Part Two: The Dissociated Identity of Burner Richie

In partnership with

Why did I make an alt? Back in ‘22, I was ending a relationship–a volatile one and one that was pretty controlling all at once. I needed to give him a reason to like me less and also [give myself] a new method to support myself, since we lived pretty co-dependently. He used gifts and [financial] help as an installment plan, to keep me from going too far away. He once told me I couldn’t go anywhere because he had “equity” in me. He meant that. He showed it.

Him aside, I wanted to establish my independence. People have always been telling me what to do and how to do it. Starting an alt and OnlyFans was my way. While it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t anything anyone else could control. It was all me. I saw value in it. People saw (perverted) value in me.

I’m not a freak, baby I got bills!

In the beginning, there was a rush being on that side of things, but I did not like the attention that I was getting. I was smart enough to separate my pages, because I never wanted to be known for OnlyFans. I wanted to be known for my physicality, for training, and for jokes more than anything, but most of the traffic went to my alt page.

After a while, that praise, that ogling, the overt sexual nature of all those interactions just got old. Not to mention, there is a lack of tact. People say the most disgusting things to content creators, and for the little dollar they’re offering, the content creator is expected to entertain it. 

I maybe answered five DMs during my tenure on OF and never answered Twitter DMs, because they were cheap and disrespectful. Most didn’t even subscribe. Overall, there was nothing I was ashamed of in doing it, but it was not something I could put my heart into. 

I was never consistent; to me, that was part of my brand. It was most authentic to me. I only posted when I needed some extra cash and that worked for me, which was the most empowering thing about it. I learned that I prefer to be a freak in private–or at least, off the internet.

I cringed after posting toward the end.

Being in a relationship while doing it didn’t make [the experience] any better. I don’t know who introduced competition, or whatever that cloud of negativity over it was, but it was in my house and there was no sort of separating it from us. I don’t like comparisons. I haven’t competed since I played sports. Having a partner while doing it was almost like selling back the independence I got into it for. 

Regardless of intention, OnlyFans became a back door to doing things outside of the relationship. Once things got uncomfortable for me, the relationship changed. I went from the security in “I’ve seen my DMs, I can imagine his,” to things being done in my face when I know I’m not on that type of time.

There’s also a certain suspension of disbelief that, on a public platform, you’re expected to go for. From everyday to OnlyFans couples, niggas try it. People who you thought you were cool with, try it. They tip toe on lines I certainly wouldn’t tip toe on. Address it and you’re insecure. OnlyFans only exacerbated that. I lost a lot of sleep on OnlyFans.

Beginning Again

I decided to delete [the alt and the OnlyFans] because I moved to DC. I wanted a clean-ish slate. I don’t think I gained too much notoriety, though I do get recognized every so often. I was encouraged to delete it because it didn’t align with my goals, where I wanted to go, and who I wanted to be. I’ve lived many lives up to this point, so that era wasn’t even the hardest to walk away from.

That’s not all to say I wouldn’t do it again. I’ve considered reaching back to it as of recently. But a big part of what made me inconsistent during my first run was that I couldn’t do OnlyFans when my actual professional life wasn’t going the way I wanted. I’m a content creator at night–it was never going to be my day job. So there were plenty of times when I did need extra money, but didn’t post again because that was just too easy, unfulfilling, and not sustainable.

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